Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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