It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my being single is dangerous.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
