All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
