Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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