Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
