Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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