Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We had sex on a dog bed..
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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