remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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