are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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