don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize