mondays should just be called national damage control day
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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