Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
