i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
