What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
