Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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