you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I am midnight drunk by noon
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
