remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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