Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
