My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
