Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
