the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
