I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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