Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Screwed.edu
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
