I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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