He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
