I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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