my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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