I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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