just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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