shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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