it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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