and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize