Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
