I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
