Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
