I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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