So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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