Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
