I don't usually arrange sex via text message
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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