But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
