im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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