I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
