haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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