remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
