i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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