i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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