im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
