Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just pee around me
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
