thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
