Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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