All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
