is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
