Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
