so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
