New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
