If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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