She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
