Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
