STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
