just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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