i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
