No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
