i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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