Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
