halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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