Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
