A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
