I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
