That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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