Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
