dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
