i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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