"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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