Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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