guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
from now on my penis is your penis
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
