I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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