Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i think i just lost a toe
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
