the condom got lost in my hair
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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