You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
