I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
