any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
